you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
