And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize