Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
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