At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Randomize