I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Randomize
