I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
Randomize
