so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
Randomize
