he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Randomize
