Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
