Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
i think im in europe. pls send help
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
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