Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
It's not a walk of shame if you run
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Randomize
