We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
Randomize
