That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
