bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
Couch. On fire.
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
please don't ironically join a cult
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