I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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