He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
Randomize
