The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
