I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize