Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Randomize
