I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
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