everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
Ladies don't puke and tell
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
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