She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
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