I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize