well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
Randomize
