Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
Randomize
