dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize
