I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize
