you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
