I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
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