We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
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