I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
