hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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