Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
