We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize
