As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
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