There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize