i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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