The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
Randomize