I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
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