hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Randomize
