i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
Green mimosas i think yes
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
Randomize
