Your tits are I can't wait for
Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize
