wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
sick fucks of a feather flock together
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
Randomize
