my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
Enjoy the penises
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
