why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
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