that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
