Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
I need to calm my uterus...
Randomize
