im gay
i know
yea but for you.
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
Randomize
