I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
Pooping to opera.
I think i got beer on your cat.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
Randomize
