At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
