I'm jealous of your bromance
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
