I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
where does the pee come out of this thing
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
