What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Randomize
