You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
