Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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