If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
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