Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Randomize
