So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Randomize
