Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
