Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
Randomize