my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
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