Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Randomize
