I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
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