Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
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