Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
