if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
he wants to bone in the snuggie
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
