So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
