I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
My balls are so social today.
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
Randomize
