She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
