I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
and she was petting her beer can
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
I won't apologize to a one balled man
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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