i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
i just sent this text using only my big toe
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Randomize
