What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
Mom said you looked used
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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