I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
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