This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
