Betty ford says i'm here all night
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Randomize
