I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Randomize
