We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
