Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
