So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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