Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
Randomize
