look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize