my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
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