is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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