is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Randomize