You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
Randomize
