My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
Randomize
